The Hidden Burnout You Don’t Hear About
The real reason you might be stressed, and what to do about it.
You’ve got a home, food on the table, a not-terrible job and some friends. There’s no crisis, and there’s plenty to be grateful for.
Yet you still feel stressed, anxious or like something is missing.
Why does that happen to a lot of us?
Here’s one reason:
Your goals might be in conflict, and your body feels it before your mind understands it.
The Hidden Source of Modern Anxiety
Most people think anxiety comes from being overwhelmed, pressured, or having too much to do. There are also many biological, environmental and psychological causes to anxiety. It’s complicated.
But there’s also a sneaky, common cause that’s affecting many of us:
Conflicting aims.
You want to rest, but also crush your goals.
You want to be present with loved ones, but also answer that message.
You want change, but don’t want to ruin what you have.
When your mind is pulled in multiple directions at once, your nervous system doesn’t know what to do- so it sends out an alert.
That’s the tension you feel.
That’s the exhaustion you can’t shake.
That’s the vague guilt, even when you’re “off the clock.”
What’s Actually Happening in Your Brain
When you have competing goals, different parts of your brain light up:
Your prefrontal cortex (decision-making center) works overtime trying to weigh options.
Your anterior cingulate cortex (conflict detector) gets activated.
Your amygdala (threat detector and memory tagger) jumps in, assuming something’s wrong.
The result: stress, anxiety, and a quiet but real fight or flight response.
So What Can You Do?
The goal isn’t to make the conflict go away, it’s to listen to it.
Here are 4 practical ways to do that:
1. Name the Tension
Write down the two (or more) parts of you that want different things.
“I want to take a break.”
“I also want to prove I’m responsible.”
“I want to speak up.”
“I also want to avoid conflict.”
Getting it out of your head and onto paper helps you see the pattern. I really recommend paper not digital. Writing by hand is slower, promoting better reflection, and the tangible aspect of it helps us not forget it.
No matter how obvious it is, just write it down. Clarity here makes it easier later.
2. Sequence, Don’t Stack
Some goals don’t play well together at the same time, but they can still coexist across a day or week.
Instead of:
“I need to rest AND be productive right now.”
Try:
“I’ll rest tonight so I can focus tomorrow.”
“I’ll focus hard this morning so I can take a slow afternoon.”
You’re not choosing one forever. You’re choosing what fits now.
3. Look for the Protective Intention
Most inner conflict is a battle between multiple parts of you trying to keep you safe.
Ask yourself: What is each part trying to protect?
Maybe the voice pushing you to hustle is trying to protect your reputation.
Maybe the one asking you to slow down is trying to protect your health or sanity.
They’re not enemies. They’re just not aligned yet.
4. Make Space Before Making Decisions
Sometimes clarity doesn’t come from thinking more. It comes from pausing.
Take a short walk.
Breathe.
Do something unrelated for 10 minutes.
Clarity often sneaks in when we stop forcing it. And when it does you often find your own answers.
Still stuck?
That’s okay. A significant shift from hidden burnout to positive change can take time. But doing the above consistently can make a big difference over time.
Ultimately it’s all about integrating your conflicting goals so they work with each other. And this requires a key step not mentioned above- looking at how your each of your aims affect you and others over the long-term.
This step is not as easy as it sounds, but we’ll explore deeper into that in future posts. I’ll be writing more about how we can continue to develop as adults—not through hacks, but through awareness, intention, and small, sustainable shifts.
P.S. What kinds of inner conflict are you noticing these days?
P.P.S. In addition to these articles, you can find my daily posts below:
Substack: https://substack.com/@tkrok
X: https://x.com/TKRok9
If this helped at all, your like goes a long way. Thank you always.
This is excellent advice! I feel seen: I have these conflicts all the time and recovering from burnout from last year, still. So happy I found your account ✨
Thank you for this insightful piece on hidden burnout. Your words shed light on the often-overlooked emotional and mental toll of constant striving, reminding us to listen to our inner rhythms and prioritize self-care.